Single Moms Choose To Be Single Moms

If you're a single mom these days you're praised and heralded for your courage and strength in raising a child all by yourself. It's brave for a woman to take on the responsibility of being able to deal with a bad man that left her and put her in an unfortunate situation.

by Quinton Figueroa on July 10th, 2016

I'm a strong independent woman who aint need no man (just the welfare state)

...But like most things, women, for the most part, chose to put themselves in this situation. Bad men don't just magically appear in women's lives. Bad men who leave women don't just magically change and decide to leave the woman. And there aren't only bad men to choose from. There are lots of good men out there too. But most single moms don't want good men. Most single moms don't know what a good man is.

The Basics

Let's get back to basics. Women totally have the upper hand in choosing their partner. This is why men usually ask women out and not the other way around. This is why a man will have sex with just about any woman and while a woman will not have sex with any man. It's supply and demand. It is much easier for a woman to pick up a man than for a man to pick up a woman. And that's fine and natural.

"You need a man that is dependable and stable"

But of course there is more to it than this. A woman has a much different criteria when looking for a man than a man has when looking for a woman. A woman has to make sure the man is dependable and able to provide for the family. A woman is going to have children and spend many years of her life pregnant and out of work if she wants to have a family. And in knowing this you have to choose a man that can work with this. You can't have just any man when you are in a vulnerable state like this. You need a man that can work with you through all this. You need a man that is dependable and stable.

Women start off with lots of sexual value and it decreases with time. The whole point of a woman's beauty is to attract a decent man that will commit to her and provide to her into the future as her beauty fades. Women need to depend on more than just their looks. It may work in their 20s and up to their 30s. But these looks fade. And women need to rely on more than simply their appearance.

So during the prime stages for a woman sexually (early 20s) they can't squaller their power. This is their most powerful time sexually speaking and they need to really make sure they find the right man. Once they hit their 30s or 40s they will start facing challenges with pregnancy. So if a woman wants children they really need to get it figured out early on. And for the most part many women do.

Enter Single Moms

But not single moms.

Single moms try to get the best of both worlds. Rather than look for a long term man to eventually marry and create a life with single moms don't look for long term men. Single moms don't look for quality men. Single moms don't know what a quality man looks like. To a single mom they would much rather go with an attractive man than a responsible man. A single mom would rather go with an adventurous man than a dependable man.

8/10 who loves me - OR - 10/10 with great abs

And this is a real conundrum for women. Women want an alpha man biologically but they want a beta man to provide for their family. And you normally can't get a man who is both an alpha and a provider. It's hard to find that perfect man. So you have to compromise. And how they compromise is the difference between single moms and married moms.

Single moms compromise on family. Married moms compromise on appearance.

Single moms are much more likely to go after alpha men who are attractive, muscular and good in bed and hope that they can keep the man by giving him more sex and following his every whim. They both use each other to their own advantage and have no desire to create something stable or long term. It is only a matter of time before the man moves onto the next woman and, likewise, it is only a matter of time before the woman moves onto the next man. The cycle repeats itself over and over again because these people do not know what they want. And in not knowing what they want they get what they don't want. But the absence of choosing what you do want is the choice of what you don't want. Why do some women choose good men and other women not? They all have the choice. But they don't all make good choices.

The married moms go for men that aren't quite as good looking but who they know will stay with them. To a married mom, marriage is important to them. Family is important to them. Longevity is important to them. Their children are important to them. So they plan for all this. Because all these things are important to them they are able to flip the switch from play mode to marriage material mode with men. These women understand that once you're serious about having a family that you have to start going for different types of men. And they also understand that they don't have their whole lives to do this.

There are a ton of fat men with great personalities, who make decent money and who will never leave a woman. But this doesn't fit the criteria of a single mom. Why go with a stable, fat man when they can have an unstable, ripped man? It's all decisions and choices. And it's all timing and priorities. And single moms play by a different standard than married moms.

Like I said earlier, women's sexual market value goes down with time. Men's value goes up with time. So a 20 year old woman is going to have a much easier time getting a 20 year old man. Likewise, a 40 year old man is going to have a much easier time getting a 40 year old woman. So when the woman is at her prime she needs to be planning on how she will use her strengths to snag a quality man. And many women do just this. But the single moms don't. And because of this the single moms end up with men who leave them. This is a choice.

It is very easy for a young woman to get a man. It's easy peasy. So don't let it get to your head and choose a loser. Yes, of course you're going to attract lots and lots of losers. That's where choice comes in. Maybe it may be smarter to go for that man who may not quite look as appealing to you at age 20, but who you would be head over heals for at age 35. Go for longevity. It gets harder and harder with time for a woman.

There are 2 main reasons as to why most single moms are single:

  1. They picked a loser to begin with
  2. They picked a good man and he left cause she scared him away

Of course I'm generalizing, but there is truth to this generalization. Women who are happily married are almost always more wise and mature than single moms. It's not a luck thing. Women choose their men. And married women choose better. Married women choose men that are more responsible, dependable and committed to a serious, stable relationship.

Unplanned Children

You can't have unplanned children if sex is planned. Every time you have sex you have the risk of getting pregnant as a woman. So there is no such thing as unplanned children. Of course there are exceptions like rape. The vast, vast, vast majority of single moms are not exceptions. They are choices that they made to have sex. So when you have a child as a woman you made the choice to either have the child or to have sex which has a possibility of creating a child. A child is a choice.

The obvious question then becomes: why are you having children with men who will potentially leave? Why are you having children with men who are not marriage material? Why are you even having children when you're not married or committed to this person to help raise your child? These are all choices.

Should have been nicer to men

It's not the man's fault. You chose him. Again, women generally choose men. Women have the final say on when and when not to have sex. Many men will do anything or say anything just to have sex. That's where choice comes in. You need to sift through the BS. You need to put your big girl thinking cap on and not believe everything you hear. You need to look past the words and into the character of people. You have way more at risk than the man. You also have way more options than the man. You need to be wise about how you proceed.

Married women don't have children until they are ready. Married women understand how much worse it is for their child to not have a father in the child's life and so they prioritize having a father as one of the most important parts of the child's life. Married women make sure that the man will not leave them and that he is in it for the long haul. And then at this point the married woman decides to have children. This is a totally different viewpoint than the single mom. Again, choices.

If the man doesn't want to commit then don't have sex with him. Oh right, too late for that since you had sex the first night. Well maybe you need to drop down a bit to men that won't leave you if you won't have sex with them immediately. Maybe you need to actually find a man who isn't only after sex and who actually wants to have a long term relationship.

Don't want that? Good, then don't have children. But if you have children then you are choosing the risks that come with that. You are choosing a decision that may make you a single mom if the guy leaves.

Enter Welfare State

I'm here for the free money because I chose a man who left me

And of course, if there wasn't a welfare state that caters to single moms and gives them resources then there would be a lot less single moms. In the absence of the welfare state women wouldn't be subsidized to play the field and get the best of both worlds. Women wouldn't be able to be with alpha men and get resources from beta men. Women would have to choose. Cool men and poor. Or not as cool men but not poor. But we don't have this dynamic at play right now. Right now if women are with men who are not stable it doesn't matter because the state steps in and pays for things that the man normally would pay for.

Right now the dynamic caters to alpha men. So fellow men, if you're an alpha and all you want to do is bang as many broads as possible then carry on. The betas are flushing women over to the alphas via the welfare state. Women don't need to marry betas if the welfare state will provide their money for them. Women will continue to go for the alphas.

"weak men are guilted into subsidizing the bad decisions of single moms"

Women whine and moan and guilt weak men into subsidizing their bad decisions through the welfare state. And weak men buy into it because it's the only way they'll get any attention from women since they have very little else to offer. So weak men are guilted into subsidizing the bad decisions of single moms who are able to continue their lifestyle of being with loser men. And it gets worse and worse with time as more weak men are forced to pay for an ever increasing welfare state to take care of the women who would rather go for the low quality men if they got the welfare state in their back pocket.

But this can't go on forever. And eventually the state will run out of money and the women will have to start changing the men they are with, or changing their behavior to attract better men. The state won't subsidize their bad choices forever. But while it does it will continue to be the catalyst for bad decisions on the part of women.

This is literally no different than offering men 1 or 2 women to sleep with each week. Women want resources and men want sex. If you were to subsidize women and use the state to force women to sleep with men each week then the dynamic between marriage for men would change a lot. If men could sleep with women each week, compliments of the state, then do you really think there would be as many men getting married now as there are?

The reverse of this is what is happening right now for women. It's a great thing and why would you ever vote for anything else? Why do you think so many single moms vote for a larger state? Why do so many single moms want to increase government spending? Why do so many single moms have no desire to find a quality man but a huge desire to find a quality state? The state has replaced the man for single moms and it has allowed them to make decisions which promote their single mom lifestyle.

At the end of the day we all make choices. There are pros and cons to all decisions. And these decisions have very real consequences. Single moms choose to be single moms, whether the know it, like it or have the ovaries to admit it or not.

 Filed under: Personal Development, Brawn > Brains, State Husband, Raised By Children, Victim of Self

About The Author

Quinton Figueroa

Quinton Figueroa

Los Angeles, CA

I am an entrepreneur at heart. Throughout my whole life I have enjoyed building real businesses by solving real problems. Business is life itself. My goal with businesses is to help move the human ...



Sam: People will hate you

People will hate you for this article because it's too true. People hate to admit to bad choices. But for the most part, you usually end up in bad situations - like being a struggling single mother - because you made terrible choices in your partner.

I look at my wife's friends. Most of her friends are married, never divorced and have a great family. It stems from a great husband who wants the same things and will never leave because he is stable, mature and responsible.

They sought out these good qualities in men they dated and married - hence they experienced the rewards that come along with marrying stable, mature and responsible men. They DON'T LEAVE you to be a single mother. If you're a winner, you breed with winners. If a loser, you'll breed with a loser.

With all the women I know who are winners, I noticed they've all been married only once, never divorced. They've only dated a handful of men. Maybe 2 or 3. Not dozens. They seek high quality stable men and stick to them, instead of jumping from bed to bed with multiple men. Losers can't commit to things - big or small. Why would a loser commit to you? It makes no sense.

The "winner women" I know didn't date or marry "bad boys" or the "starving artist guy" who talks a good game and looks cool - but it broke and unstable. Instead, they chose winners and winners tend to not leave you hanging once you get pregnant.

On the flip side - a few of my wife's friends are losers. They seek loser men to partner up with and they get burned. Obviously. As long as I've known them, they've dated dozens of men - not 2 or 3 like my wife's successful friends with good families - but dozens and dozens of men in short spurts. These guys tend to be losers. Loser + Loser = Loser life. Winner + Winner = Winning life.

These loser men were usually broke, in between jobs, living on their parents house, divorced, had a history of dating and ending dozens of relationships because they couldn't commit, and other qualities that are common among loser, low quality men. The only consistent thing in their lives are a string of poor choices and lots of clear cut signs that he can't or won't commit.

Why would you choose a partner like that? Why would you expect him to be any different as a father? His entire life is filled with bad decisions. All signs point to "loser." The signs were all there. Why would you choose to ignore those signs before you chose to have a CHILD with this person? Who else can you possibly blame but yourself?

My wife's friends from high school are all about 40 years old. The ones who are still single, divorced or single mothers, all seem to follow the exact same formula - they are drawn to low quality men, and low quality men produce low quality lives. Cause and effect. Simple, right?

They date their one night stands or losers they meet in bars. They get knocked up, dumped and now they're single moms struggling to make ends meet. The warning signs were all there yet they got knocked up by these losers and ended up becoming single mothers.

The same goes for men. If you breed with a woman who has a history of cheating, not committing and losing her whole life, you can't be surprised when she leaves you to raise your kids alone.

The signs were all there.

It's not rocket science. Bad choices result in bad lives. Shacking up with low quality men results in a low quality life. Do you know why banks avoid lending money to people with poor credit scores? Because historically, they've defaulted on loans and they've shown a consist pattern of being financially irresponsible. If you know your partner has a bad history, why would you breed with this person? You got exactly what you asked for.

Most people won't agree with your article because like most other people who make bad decisions, it's easier for them to blame society and "bad luck." The truth is, "bad luck" and "society" didn't force you to date and breed with deadbeat losers. You made that choice and because of that choice, he left you a single mother.

If you breed with a loser who can't hold down a job, relationship or responsibilities, why would you expect him to be loyal and stick around when he knocks you up? He will do what he's always done - flee. He's done it over and over in every other area of his life. Why do you think he will be different with you? How could you not see that coming? And why do taxpayers have to subsidize your moronic behavior?

Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.

We live in a cause-and-effect universe. If you pursue loser men, they'll leave you as a single mother. And no matter how smooth or how good his "game" is, anyone willing to open their eyes can see a loser from miles away.

There are just too many obvious red flags with a loser - and if you ignore those signs and get pregnant, it's your fault. Shame on you for making your innocent children struggle because you couldn't see past your baby daddy's learn jacket and Harley.

Any mother I've ever met who has a happy life and a present husband, got there by choosing men who were winners - not losers. The ones who pick losers - well, obviously they end up being single moms or dumped, single, divorced and forty. It's not random chance or the luck of the draw. You chose to get pregnant and you chose to do it with a bum who has shown you time and time again that he's a loser. You're not the victim because he left you a single mother. You made your choice. Just because it was a stupid choice doesn't make it any less your fault.

You chose to have kids. You chose to do it with a loser. You knew the risks and now you're paying for them. Are you telling me that you had no choice in any of these decisions? Unless you were raped - which is an exception and a tiny minority of situations - you chose to be a single mother indirectly. Or in words, you increased your chances substantially to become a single mother. You CHOSE.

A piano didn't fall on your head out of nowhere. You chose to have kids. You chose when to do it. You chose who to do it with. Your situation is created solely by you and you alone. You saw the signs and did it anyways.

I know 2 single mothers who are struggling and it breaks my heart seeing them and especially their innocent children suffering from moronic decisions their mother made. I don't care how cool some guy is or if you think you can change him into a great man. I don't care how handsome he is or how much of a "bad boy" you think he is. If he's a deadbeat loser and you met him at a sleezy club or some crumby free dating site somewhere, chances are he won't be dependable and you'll end up supporting his kids without his help.

You chose a coward...and had his baby. Now he fled. That's what cowards do. You've seen him do it before. He did it again. You chose it anyways. Cause and effect.

As harsh as it is, from my experience, women I know with happy marriages, strong families and loving husbands - or wives - are the ones who chose stable, high quality partners over low life losers. You get what you ask for. It's not rocket science.

If you eat nothing but candy all day, you'll probably die. If you sit on the sofa and watch tv all day and every day, you'll become fat. If you date an immature guy who has a track record of being an unstable loser, the have his child, you'll get exactly what you asked for.

If a woman's husband died or something tragic made her into a single mom - we should absolutely help her and level her playing field - as decent human beings that's what we should do. But that's the exception. Most single moms indirectly chose their situation. They have no right to complain about it.

If a woman becomes a single mom because she dated a string of deadbeat losers that walked out on her and his kids, chances are she saw that coming miles away - and she has no one else to blame but herself.

This is an emotional topic so I expect the replies to this article to be emotional too. But try taking this concept out into a different scenario to test your logic. If you touched a stove and it was hot, you burned your hand. You did it again and the same result happened. Now after you've burned yourself 99 times, what do you think will happen the 100th one around? Exactly what you expect would happen.

Find a loser who has a history of running away. Have sex with this loser. Have his baby. Guess what happens next?

Cause and effect.

Jennifer: I hate to admit it but I do

I hate to admit it but I do agree with much of what you say, to an extent of course. You're c very black and white in your views, and this subject has a bit of gray area. You put the responsibility 100% on the woman here, which I don't think is terribly accurate. Sure, if your husband cheats, treats you poorly or is abusive then some poor choices were made. unfortunately people make poor choices - they were.making them in the 1950's and they are making them now. The difference is thAt in the 1950's divorce was taboo, as was unwed pregnance. they also didn't have the resources available todah, so there wasn't often a choice.

I agree that young women do make choices based on attraction and not character. They also don't think long term when it comes to having children, which is probably partly due to the "welfare state" as you call it. From the female perspectove, however, the better answer to this problem is for your adult women to focus more on themselves - education and future earning potential. If your husband leaves you and uoure a doctor or other high earning professional, you won't need to worry about living off the state and can support yourself. Young men should encourage this too, since I think too many are duped into becoming fathers when they are too young and just not ready. they are so easily manipulated by girls and are fools for love too often and end up unhappy, cheat on their wives and paying for it for the next twenty years. I do think the state needs to do more than give welfare to young people. They need to be educated about how to be self sufficient and what having children really means and what happens to the lives that these choices impact.

Hockeymom32: Wow....

You are 100% on....let the hating commence like it always does!

Sean: FUCK HOCKEY! (Sorry... I
@Hockeymom32 (view comment)

FUCK HOCKEY! (Sorry... I couldn't help myself.)

Some lady: The article is not wrong, but

The article is not wrong, but if you can back away from the trees a bit to see the forest, it will be rather obvious that the degenerate culture we live in works overtime against family values. Good men, devoted men, can easily be led astray and influenced by the culture to leave their families. There is no cultural pressure for married couples to fix their problems and stay together anymore. Divorce is totally acceptable, and making a marriage work is, well... hard work. If an otherwise good man knows society won't fault him for leaving the burden on his wife, he'll perhaps make the choice to leave and relive his easy, fun bachelor days, since bachelorhood is now glorified over marriage. It is not always 100% the women's fault if their man leaves them, and not every single mother is created out of a one-night-stand or uncommitted situation. Many single mothers are in fact the product of a broken marriage. Divorce is rampant these days.

LiuMarco: I call bs to your post. Women
@Some lady (view comment)

I call bs to your post. Women are the majority party that initiate divorce. As for the unmarried women;if the man leaves, ask your self if the woman was loyal,respectful and nurturing? ??Todays women are garbage

Ashamed to be a man right now: It sounds like you are saying

It sounds like you are saying women are at fault when a man abandons her with their child... because she should know an "alpha" will leave her.
That's like saying it's a woman's fault when she gets dates a beta and gets raped because she should know that "betas" are often sexually frustrated.
You can't just blame a woman for choosing a man that does something terrible. She can't possibly know what he will choose to do. Your child is part of you and should be loved regardless of the woman you use to create them. Stop trying to justify child abandonment.

Quinton Figueroa: > You can't just blame a
@Ashamed to be a man right now (view comment)

You can't just blame a woman for choosing a man that does something terrible. She can't possibly know what he will choose to do.

Yes, she absolutely can. Sure, you can't know everything, but there are trends. Certain people are more likely to act a certain way. Just based off of how they spend their free time you can determine a lot. And married men and women both know this which is why they don't waste their time with losers who have all the signs of an instable person. It's actually really easy to determine this.

Women aren't helpless or stupid. There are tons and tons of guys out there who will not leave a woman but many women are not attracted to these guys. And when they have a child with a guy who will leave them, despite all the signs that married moms knew, that is their choice. Give them some accountability for their choices and stop taking away credit from the actual married women that make favorable decisions.

Your child is part of you and should be loved regardless of the woman you use to create them. Stop trying to justify child abandonment.

Right, telling women they are responsible for their actions means that I'm justifying child abandonment. If you can't even understand my argument perhaps that explains why you also can't read people enough to determine who's marriage material and who's not.

Ashamed to be a man right now: What about the man's

What about the man's responsibility for his actions? The problem with you saying these things is that men who want to abandon their children for selfish reasons read this and think "he's right - I'm an alpha and she should have known I would leave". YOU ARE ENCOURAGING CHILD ABANDONMENT. Think about what you say before spouting off your absurd opinions.

Quinton Figueroa: What about the man's
@Ashamed to be a man right now (view comment)

What about the man's responsibility for his actions?

Men are just as accountable. We just forget to hold women accountable and always seem to want to put it on the man. A woman chooses to be with a man the same way a man chooses to be with a woman. She isn't a victim and she makes the choice. It's not always the man's fault. Not all men are assholes. And I respect women enough to hold them accountable for their decisions that they make. I don't treat them like little children and give them free passes every time they make a boo boo. Men are just as stupid. But men don't get free passes for their bad decisions like women.

The problem with you saying these things is that men who want to abandon their children for selfish reasons read this and think "he's right - I'm an alpha and she should have known I would leave". YOU ARE ENCOURAGING CHILD ABANDONMENT. Think about what you say before spouting off your absurd opinions.

On the contrary. By telling women they have no responsibility for their choices and by telling them that it's okay to be a single mom you are rewarding loser men. Women don't have to be with losers, but they sure do like it. They're the ones encouraging child abandonment by being with men who leave. It's very easy to tell if a man is going to leave, it's not rocket science. Married women don't seem to have a problem figuring this out, somehow it's only the single moms who can't quite put their finger on it. Single moms are the ones rewarding bad behavior. They're the ones making the choices. Sorry but you need to direct your blame to the right culprit. Stop making excuses for single moms and the decisions they make.

Really?: Stop making excuses for men

Stop making excuses for men who abandon their children and the decisions they make. You are demonizing the only parent that actually stayed to raise the kid. How do you sleep at night? Wait... why am I asking? This is coming from the same person who published an article saying "Hitler was actually a great guy". You are an ignorant person and I see no value in attempting to open your eyes to the real world. The only consolation I have is how hard it was to find your article again after stumbling across it randomly on some trash site. Even with the word for word article name used for the search you don't get results. Good to know your ignorance is buried deep in the darkest parts of the internet. I hope you rot there.

Quinton Figueroa: Stop making excuses for men
@Really? (view comment)

Stop making excuses for men who abandon their children and the decisions they make.

I clearly said: "Men are just as accountable"

You are demonizing the only parent that actually stayed to raise the kid.

Why would a woman choose to have a child with a man that will leave them and put their child in this position?

This is coming from the same person who published an article saying "Hitler was actually a great guy".

This article is clearly sarcasm.

You are an ignorant person and I see no value in attempting to open your eyes to the real world.

The real world being weak men parroting what the media and government tells them is okay to say?

Lamborghini Deeni: FACE REALITY

At the end of the day it is womens fault. Women are the choosers. They have the final say when dealing with men. They choose who to deal with, who to date, who to have sex with and unlitimately who they have children with. Women need to be held accountable for their actions, There are plenty of great guys out there but those guys aren't making ladies vaginas moist. The thugs, goons, drug dealers, criminals & etc do make their vaginas wet so that's who they procreate with. Men have caught on to the whole "alpha fux/beta bucks" and are dropping out. Men are no longer going to be the clean up guys. I'm sure theres a lot of simps that will step up to the challenge but a large percentage of men just arent having it. The juice simply just isnt worth the squeeze.

斯坦利: Single Moms

Quite an interesting observation there.Well women just need to deal with that to be frank,you can blame it all you want on men,i also think men might even have a bigger blame but they still get the free pass,thats what women needs to know.Men and women all have parts to play but the most important one is the woman's part because she is always the one left a wreckage.Even though its reasonable to blame it all you want on men,the choice is the woman's at the end,because women hold the keys to progression to be frank.Men are always ready to have sex and will jump from one to another(bad thing but will be hailed for it),but for women its a different reaction all in all,women ought to know what they are getting into before they indulge,thats the only way you are going to stop having single moms added on the current list.Stop trying to make sense into men by blaming them,you should act and see if you will have anything to complain in the future.

Jim: The truth

Women need to think beyond penis size and swag, Something most women seem unable to do.

There used to be a thing called natural selection, meaning, only people with desireable traits got to breed. But not anymore, ever since welfare women know theg dont need a man.

Plus, it doesnt matter anyways, many women marry a rich, good guy then go behind his back and cheat with a guy who is good at laying pipe, or, they marry the good pipe layer and then go find themselves a sugar daddy.

Bottom line is women get what they want regardless of the consequences. Its time women begin learning their place once again.

Hip Hop: Single Mother Sextape

Man Asks Woman If She Is Ready To Be A Single Mother During Sex & She Says Yes!!

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