About a year or so back I was really in search of the truth and looking for reasons why God existed, if he existed and how he existed. I just wanted to really understand if God was real and what he was like. I have been a believer in God my whole life, but I had not been able to essentially prove or back up my reasons on why I was a believer, other than being born into believing - not that I think this is a bad thing. But the way I see it, everyone should be able to explain their beliefs and back why they see something the way they see it.
So anyhow, as I was saying, about a year ago I decided I would go on a fast. I had been reading about fasting and discovered that a lot of people were able to get closer to God by fasting as it put them closer to the spiritual realm and further away from the material realm. This made sense to me and sounded like a smart move. I decided I would go at least 2 days without any food and possibly longer if necessary. I decided I would drink only water.
This was quite an interesting experience as it was my first fast (As you will later learn on my blog, I am a huge advocate of fasting - it helps so much with understanding, at least for me). So I decided to start Thursday night and go all of Friday through the weekend if necessary. Since at the time I had a regular Monday - Friday job, this would give me the most amount of time, since the first day doesn't matter too much anyway - at least from what I've experienced. So Friday was pretty much like any other day, I went to work and was productive and got my stuff done. As the night rolled around I noticed I was much more rational and reached conclusions on questions quicker. I was just overall sharper. It was quite an interesting experience. I went to bed that night anticipating Saturday.
Reality starts to kick in, literally
Saturday rolled around and I woke up pretty early and was a bit tired. I had set aside my whole weekend for the sole purpose of reading web sites and the Bible. I immediately jumped into the Bible and turned to John. I read the very beginning where it was talking about The Word. My purpose of this fast was to try to find some type of conviction for believing in God or Jesus. As I read through this first chapter it really started to make more sense than it ever had. I really liked how it was referring to God as The Word. This really struck me as interesting.
I continued to read through web sites and other texts for a few hours. I was in like a hyper-learning mode, things were much clearer although I had no real sign of God. I was a bit tired at this point so I figured why not take a short nap.
As I dozed off to bed I really started to have some weird experiences. It was like I was snapping in and out of dreams and discussion. My head started racing and all these questions started popping into my head. Why do you do the things you do? Because I know them to be right. Why do you believe what the Bible says? Because what I have read of it tests as being true. Why do you believe there are dimensions? Because quantum physics points towards it.
All these different questions kept pushing me closer and closer to a revelation that I finally hit: Could God Be Knowledge? This hit me out of nowhere and it really started to freak me out, because it made so much sense. I questioned it. It was almost as if my thoughts were acting as like a God. I was getting bursts of as much truth as I had ever experienced and these truths were tackling hard questions I had always had, logically and with such conviction. It was almost as if God was knowledge, or was talking to me through knowledge, truth. For the first time in my life I had felt like I was talking with God or some type of super knowledge. The conversation did not stop. I decided to go on a walk.
My journey outside
As I left my room I grabbed for my wallet and my knowledge said, "don't grab that, you don't need it." So I left it. I started walking around the neighborhood looking around at stuff. I was still continuing my conversation, or should I say my line of questioning. I asked, should I eat healthy? I heard a very clear Yes. I asked, did Jesus eat lots of food? And I heard a strong YES. I was confused. I asked again, why would Jesus eat lots of food? The voice replied back, he ate the RIGHT kind of food (of the spirit and truth). Things were getting weird. It was as if knowledge was being a smartass to me, but it was so correct and made so much extreme sense.
I continued on. I went for a hard one: I asked, "How did you create the universe" and the reply was, "I thought it into existence." This seemed super strange to me. I tried to fight the answer but I really couldn't, it made sense to me and seemed super strange.
This whole thing was so interesting because I was pretty much answering questions based on my previous knowledge. Certain questions would give me stronger answer immediately, where other questions would leave me in silence with no answer. It was almost like I could only answer questions to that which I was capable of understanding. It made crystal clear sense and I was loving it.
I asked, "Do animals have a soul?". I immediately looked down and saw a dead bird. It was crazy, like out of nowhere there was a dead bird, right after I asked - which to me answers a YES as living creatures with a soul have life and die.
I continued on. I watched a car driving down the road. I thought to myself with strong conviction, this car is going to turn left. The car started turning right, stopped like 1/2 way through the turn, and then went left. It was crazy. Like all these events were just happening back to back and it was just interesting. Are these types of things always happening but I'm just too stupid to know it?
I then was walking close to a highway at this point. I asked, "Why don't I throw myself into this highway right now so I can be with you immediately." The voice replied back strongly, "Your purpose is not just for yourself, you are here for others." Again, an answer that made such clear sense. But of course! It isn't all about me. It is about me sharing what I can with others and helping them with their struggles. We're all in this together, us humans :)!
I decided to finally head back in after this walk. It was about 5:00 PM or so on Saturday. On my way back in I asked one last question: "How long should I fast?" I heard the immediate answer, "How much do you want to know?" This was truly amazing! It was as if I was getting completely spanked by knowledge and thoughts inside myself. I concluded that I had answered what I was looking for and I would stop the fast for now, but definitely return soon as this was one of the best things I had ever experienced in my life - it was kind of a turning point.
So that's the story of my first time fasting and some of the things that I discovered. I would suspect most people will immediately call me some type of freak or liar or something, and that is totally cool. If I heard this I would most likely think I'm a freak also. People may also think, it sounds like you are pretty much on drugs, what makes you any different than somebody on LSD? Do they not have the same type of experiences? Fasting is pretty much a chemical imbalance in the brain is it not? I'm not too sure what exactly it is, but my answer would be it is seems different to me. With fasting I reached answers and actually made progress. My conclusions were built on a solid foundation of understanding and knowledge. It wasn't really like I was confused, I was more conscience than I had ever been! With drugs there isn't really progress, there may be thoughts that are out there but there isn't really the level of consciousness and understanding that I had. You can't really talk about them or prove them afterwards, and all the stuff I discovered from my fast continues to make sense to this very day.
I think this initial concept of God being knowledge really hit me hard. I couldn't really disprove that God was knowledge. There was something that was biting at me, answering my questions, and acting as a higher authority. I would try to disprove it with questions and I would keep getting beaten down with more and more simple questions that I could understand and answer. There was knowledge out there that I was being fed that I was understanding. I didn't know whether it was God or not, but if not God what was it? It had everything God would have and it was something above me that existed. This knowledge was something I didn't have that I could obtain if I searched.
I have since come to the mindset that knowledge is just one aspect of God, and it is the aspect of God that I was most easily able to grasp. There can be many other aspects as well such as love. I think the parts that different people grab onto are based off their life and understanding. People are different and grasp onto different things. To me, God is a very personal thing and different for each individual. I'm not saying he is what each person makes him in their mind completely, but I am saying whatever they make him in their mind makes it more purposeful for them to believe in him.
I think God really is one of those things that is just so hard to even begin to comprehend at a human level. Trying to understand God as a human is like trying to understand physics as a dog. It just isn't happening, and I am totally cool with that. Understanding God through his attributes is very satisfying and rewarding.
I would highly recommend fasting to anybody who has questions on life. I believe it has really helped me in my journey towards God and I believe it could help others as well.
Thanks for reading, and feel free to leave a comment if you would like.
Filed under:Spiritual, Life, God