"Whatever you do in life, surround yourself with smart people who'll argue with you."
"Whatever you do in life, surround yourself with smart people who'll argue with you."
If you're a single mom these days you're praised and heralded for your courage and strength in raising a child all by yourself. It's brave for a woman to take on the responsibility of being able to deal with a bad man that left her and put her in an unfortunate situation.
...But like most things, women, for the most part, chose to put themselves in this situation. Bad men don't just magically appear in women's lives. Bad men who leave women don't just magically change and decide to leave the woman. And there aren't only bad men to choose from. There are lots of good men out there too. But most single moms don't want good men. Most single moms don't know what a good man is.
Let's get back to basics. Women totally have the upper hand in choosing their partner. This is why men usually ask women out and not the other way around. This is why a man will have sex with just about any woman and while a woman will not have sex with any man. It's supply and demand. It is much easier for a woman to pick up a man than for a man to pick up a woman. And that's fine and natural.
"You need a man that is dependable and stable"
But of course there is more to it than this. A woman has a much different criteria when looking for a man than a man has when looking for a woman. A woman has to make sure the man is dependable and able to provide for the family. A woman is going to have children and spend many years of her life pregnant and out of work if she wants to have a family. And in knowing this you have to choose a man that can work with this. You can't have just any man when you are in a vulnerable state like this. You need a man that can work with you through all this. You need a man that is dependable and stable.
Women start off with lots of sexual value and it decreases with time. The whole point of a woman's beauty is to attract a decent man that will commit to her and provide to her into the future as her beauty fades. Women need to depend on more than just their looks. It may work in their 20s and up to their 30s. But these looks fade. And women need to rely on more than simply their appearance.
So during the prime stages for a woman sexually (early 20s) they can't squaller their power. This is their most powerful time sexually speaking and they need to really make sure they find the right man. Once they hit their 30s or 40s they will start facing challenges with pregnancy. So if a woman wants children they really need to get it figured out early on. And for the most part many women do.
But not single moms.
Single moms try to get the best of both worlds. Rather than look for a long term man to eventually marry and create a life with single moms don't look for long term men. Single moms don't look for quality men. Single moms don't know what a quality man looks like. To a single mom they would much rather go with an attractive man than a responsible man. A single mom would rather go with an adventurous man than a dependable man.
And this is a real conundrum for women. Women want an alpha man biologically but they want a beta man to provide for their family. And you normally can't get a man who is both an alpha and a provider. It's hard to find that perfect man. So you have to compromise. And how they compromise is the difference between single moms and married moms.
Single moms compromise on family. Married moms compromise on appearance.
Single moms are much more likely to go after alpha men who are attractive, muscular and good in bed and hope that they can keep the man by giving him more sex and following his every whim. They both use each other to their own advantage and have no desire to create something stable or long term. It is only a matter of time before the man moves onto the next woman and, likewise, it is only a matter of time before the woman moves onto the next man. The cycle repeats itself over and over again because these people do not know what they want. And in not knowing what they want they get what they don't want. But the absence of choosing what you do want is the choice of what you don't want. Why do some women choose good men and other women not? They all have the choice. But they don't all make good choices.
The married moms go for men that aren't quite as good looking but who they know will stay with them. To a married mom, marriage is important to them. Family is important to them. Longevity is important to them. Their children are important to them. So they plan for all this. Because all these things are important to them they are able to flip the switch from play mode to marriage material mode with men. These women understand that once you're serious about having a family that you have to start going for different types of men. And they also understand that they don't have their whole lives to do this.
There are a ton of fat men with great personalities, who make decent money and who will never leave a woman. But this doesn't fit the criteria of a single mom. Why go with a stable, fat man when they can have an unstable, ripped man? It's all decisions and choices. And it's all timing and priorities. And single moms play by a different standard than married moms.
Like I said earlier, women's sexual market value goes down with time. Men's value goes up with time. So a 20 year old woman is going to have a much easier time getting a 20 year old man. Likewise, a 40 year old man is going to have a much easier time getting a 40 year old woman. So when the woman is at her prime she needs to be planning on how she will use her strengths to snag a quality man. And many women do just this. But the single moms don't. And because of this the single moms end up with men who leave them. This is a choice.
It is very easy for a young woman to get a man. It's easy peasy. So don't let it get to your head and choose a loser. Yes, of course you're going to attract lots and lots of losers. That's where choice comes in. Maybe it may be smarter to go for that man who may not quite look as appealing to you at age 20, but who you would be head over heals for at age 35. Go for longevity. It gets harder and harder with time for a woman.
There are 2 main reasons as to why most single moms are single:
Of course I'm generalizing, but there is truth to this generalization. Women who are happily married are almost always more wise and mature than single moms. It's not a luck thing. Women choose their men. And married women choose better. Married women choose men that are more responsible, dependable and committed to a serious, stable relationship.
You can't have unplanned children if sex is planned. Every time you have sex you have the risk of getting pregnant as a woman. So there is no such thing as unplanned children. Of course there are exceptions like rape. The vast, vast, vast majority of single moms are not exceptions. They are choices that they made to have sex. So when you have a child as a woman you made the choice to either have the child or to have sex which has a possibility of creating a child. A child is a choice.
The obvious question then becomes: why are you having children with men who will potentially leave? Why are you having children with men who are not marriage material? Why are you even having children when you're not married or committed to this person to help raise your child? These are all choices.
It's not the man's fault. You chose him. Again, women generally choose men. Women have the final say on when and when not to have sex. Many men will do anything or say anything just to have sex. That's where choice comes in. You need to sift through the BS. You need to put your big girl thinking cap on and not believe everything you hear. You need to look past the words and into the character of people. You have way more at risk than the man. You also have way more options than the man. You need to be wise about how you proceed.
Married women don't have children until they are ready. Married women understand how much worse it is for their child to not have a father in the child's life and so they prioritize having a father as one of the most important parts of the child's life. Married women make sure that the man will not leave them and that he is in it for the long haul. And then at this point the married woman decides to have children. This is a totally different viewpoint than the single mom. Again, choices.
If the man doesn't want to commit then don't have sex with him. Oh right, too late for that since you had sex the first night. Well maybe you need to drop down a bit to men that won't leave you if you won't have sex with them immediately. Maybe you need to actually find a man who isn't only after sex and who actually wants to have a long term relationship.
Don't want that? Good, then don't have children. But if you have children then you are choosing the risks that come with that. You are choosing a decision that may make you a single mom if the guy leaves.
And of course, if there wasn't a welfare state that caters to single moms and gives them resources then there would be a lot less single moms. In the absence of the welfare state women wouldn't be subsidized to play the field and get the best of both worlds. Women wouldn't be able to be with alpha men and get resources from beta men. Women would have to choose. Cool men and poor. Or not as cool men but not poor. But we don't have this dynamic at play right now. Right now if women are with men who are not stable it doesn't matter because the state steps in and pays for things that the man normally would pay for.
Right now the dynamic caters to alpha men. So fellow men, if you're an alpha and all you want to do is bang as many broads as possible then carry on. The betas are flushing women over to the alphas via the welfare state. Women don't need to marry betas if the welfare state will provide their money for them. Women will continue to go for the alphas.
"weak men are guilted into subsidizing the bad decisions of single moms"
Women whine and moan and guilt weak men into subsidizing their bad decisions through the welfare state. And weak men buy into it because it's the only way they'll get any attention from women since they have very little else to offer. So weak men are guilted into subsidizing the bad decisions of single moms who are able to continue their lifestyle of being with loser men. And it gets worse and worse with time as more weak men are forced to pay for an ever increasing welfare state to take care of the women who would rather go for the low quality men if they got the welfare state in their back pocket.
But this can't go on forever. And eventually the state will run out of money and the women will have to start changing the men they are with, or changing their behavior to attract better men. The state won't subsidize their bad choices forever. But while it does it will continue to be the catalyst for bad decisions on the part of women.
This is literally no different than offering men 1 or 2 women to sleep with each week. Women want resources and men want sex. If you were to subsidize women and use the state to force women to sleep with men each week then the dynamic between marriage for men would change a lot. If men could sleep with women each week, compliments of the state, then do you really think there would be as many men getting married now as there are?
The reverse of this is what is happening right now for women. It's a great thing and why would you ever vote for anything else? Why do you think so many single moms vote for a larger state? Why do so many single moms want to increase government spending? Why do so many single moms have no desire to find a quality man but a huge desire to find a quality state? The state has replaced the man for single moms and it has allowed them to make decisions which promote their single mom lifestyle.
At the end of the day we all make choices. There are pros and cons to all decisions. And these decisions have very real consequences. Single moms choose to be single moms, whether the know it, like it or have the ovaries to admit it or not.Filed under: Personal Development, Brawn > Brains, State Husband, Raised By Children, Victim of Self