"You cannot control anything except the way you feel. "
"You cannot control anything except the way you feel. "
Oh look! Another child! Where did it come from? Nobody knows. Children just magically show up and now they're your responsibility whether you like it or not. Not ready to raise a child? Too bad, you're already raising them through the state.
Yes I know, breaking news. People choose to have children. Every time you have sex it isn't an accident. Sex is a choice. And when we have sex we have the possibility of a child soon following. So children aren't accidents, children are choices that physically capable humans make. Yes, of course there are small exceptions like rape. Rape is obviously a slim minority of cases. The vast, vast, vast majority of children are a choice and every time you have sex you are taking the risk that a child may follow.
If a single mother is struggling we act as though she didn't choose to have the children. We act as though the single mother is a victim and that she just had some tough luck. Again, maybe that's true for some cases, but most certainly not the majority of cases. In reality she didn't have the foresight to see the costs that having a child would bear on her without having a husband to provide resources. In reality she didn't choose a good husband who was stable and she chose to have children at a bad time.
There isn't any type of test or qualification to having children other than being able to physically do so. And I'm not saying there should be a test. But your children are within your own confines. Just because you are able to have a child doesn't mean you will make a good parent. Just because people have children doesn't mean they're ready. And sometimes people who are ready don't have children. The physical ability to have children is only one part of the equation, and really the least important part. Anybody can have a child, that's easy. Properly preparing for and raising a child, now that's the real challenge.
Women in Western society know ahead of time that if they choose a bad husband that the state will step in for the husband and provide resources for the woman. So having a state skews the behavior of men and women and it skews the choices people make. When you can pawn your hardships off onto other people it is going to make you less responsible yourself. It may seem obvious to say this, but apparently most of the world has forgotten this. We have moved away from parents being responsible for children to society being responsible. And because of this view it creates many problems and it keeps us from solving many problems as well.
When people used to have financial hardships they would turn to family, friends, their church or some other charity. People actually had to be good people and have other people that liked them. People used to have to keep friends nearby and reciprocate charity to others so that the same could be returned to them when they were in need.
These days when we face financial hardships we turn to the government. The first thing that comes to mind is not any type of sacrifice to get through the hardship but instead a sacrifice that others must make for us. It's about as selfish as it gets. And the worst part about this is that all it does is subsidize bad decisions.
The state allows for and promotes people making bad decisions.
Parents used to be better because they had to be. If you had children before you were ready in the past you wouldn't be rewarded with a welfare check. Society would actually look down on you and discourage this kind of behavior. Society wouldn't bend over backwards for your immature decisions, instead you would bend over backwards for them. If you made mistakes in the past your family and friends would hold you accountable and you would have to make it right. You would have to change. You would have to actually develop yourself and grow. You would pay not price, not them. And people knew this. So they would actually have to plan a little bit ahead and take some responsibility. They weren't as promiscuous and naive because they knew they didn't have a taxpayer funded welfare program accepting this behavior.
Children take resources, and not just financial resources. Children take a lot of time, energy, patience and everything else. It's one of the hardest jobs on the planet. To think that having a child is like having a pet is naive, rude and wrong. Children are not pets. Children take a special kind of touch that only a mature adult can fulfill.
We act as if there is no difference between somebody having 10 children on welfare vs 1 child on welfare. 10 children put a greater tax on society than 1 child. If the parents had to pay for the children without any state assistance they would have less children, it's as simple as that. Absent the welfare state you either have less children or you make sure you have your stuff together before having lots of children. It's not that complicated. But people have lots of children today because they know it's not 100% their responsibility.
It's like if we were to take 100 people who smoked and ate really bad and expected people who didn't do this to pay for them.
With health insurance high risk individuals pay a higher premium. With taxes high risk individuals pay a lower premium or nothing at all.
It's not the responsibility of others to subsidize your decisions. I'm not saying smoking or eating really bad is bad. I'm saying it's bad when you do it and force other people to pay for the consequences which are going to be more expensive than more sound decisions like not smoking and eating healthier.
A similar thing is at play with children. Having children you can't afford isn't necessarily a bad choice if you manage it and pay for it yourself. It's only a bad choice when you force other people to pay for it.
This is why smarter, wealthier people have fewer children. Smarter people have fewer children because they know it's hard and expensive. Smarter people also have the ethics and discipline to value personal responsibility. They know that once they have a child it is their responsibility. This virtue is what made them smart and wealthy in the first place. They know that children is a huge undertaking and that it is one of the most serious decisions you can make in life. Smart people don't want to half ass parenting and they don't want to put their child at a disadvantage so they usually wait longer to have children and have less of them so they can focus more resources and attention on them.
We often hear, "but what about the poor people?" It's one of the most used manipulative arguments there is. It also takes a few other forms like:
"You don't care about poor people"
"You don't have a heart"
"Your a bad person" (grammar error intentional)
Well, poor people don't come from nowhere. And if you are poor and bring a child into this world that's a choice you're making. You don't have to have children if you're poor. If being is poor is bad then why have a child and make them go through that? Why increase poverty in the world? When a rich person has a child that child is now rich. When a poor person has a child that child is now poor.
I'm in no way saying it's bad to be poor. I think there are many lessons and things to learn with being poor. I think all types of lives and situations have unique features and opportunities for growth. The problem is when people use being poor as an excuse to get more resources from others. If being poor isn't bad then don't use it as an excuse to make other people feel guilty for your situation. If being poor is noble then be noble without forcing other people to support your nobility. Your virtue diminishes when it's not 100% your own.
You shouldn't make other people take care of poor people when they're not the ones creating poor people. If poor people have a harder life and that is bad then why do poor people keep scaling that reality? It's not rich people creating more poor children. Why not first create some wealth and then have children? Why not first create some stability and then have children? They don't know better? Yes they do. That's why more and more poor people have children after an increase in the welfare state. Before the welfare state people were magically smarter and planned a bit further ahead. As the welfare state increases, so too do single family parents and poor parents. It's that people are selfish, lack virtue and know they can manipulate others.
Children aren't the greatest expression of love, they're a tool used to fulfill selfish desires.
If you really care about poor people then you would stop having children when you're poor. It's pretty hard to get out of poverty when you're running around with 5 children and no husband. It's much easier to get out of poverty as a single person first and then have children once you're stable. Why I even have to say this blows my mind.
So next time somebody asks if you care about poor people ask them if the parents of poor people care about poor people. They're the ones creating more of them.Personal Development, But What About The Poor People?, Another Day on Planet Earth, They're Not Sending Their Best, Stating The Obvious, Stupidity Loop